|The Positive Principle Show|
Big Sister Blog
When you’re working to shift your perspective from one of Fear and Lack to one of Love and Abundance, one of the first things you have to do is look at the way you respond in general to people and to situations. By examining your own patterns, you’re able to see where your ego and your conditioning gets in your way. You take a look at yourself and ask the question Dr. Phil made famous: How’s that working for ya?
Often, the patterns that are the most harmful to us are the ones we cling to the most fiercely. For me, the pattern was chasing after obviously unavailable men for a long term, intimate relationship. A couple of my best girlfriends had similar issues. It wasn’t that the men “weren’t that into us,” exactly – they liked us fine, but were not open to a long term, intimate relationship. In my case, the fellows fell into that nebulous area Match dot com calls “currently separated,” which is how Players on the internet sometimes admit they are, in fact, Married. There are websites where married people hook up, like Adult Friend Finder, but plenty of “currently separated” folks wind up on Match dot com. The point here isn’t that there are married people posing as singles on the internet – although they, too, may be clinging to destructive patterns. The point is that when you find yourself in the same unhappy situation over and over again, you have to consider that on some level, the pattern is working for you.
It’s easy to resist or reject the notion that we repeat destructive behaviors to prove to ourselves, again and again, that we are fundamentally unlovable. When I found myself ignored by an unavailable man, it reinforced my belief that I was too damaged by events in my past to ever have a healthy relationship. It goes back to changing our stories, a principle we looked at earlier in the show.
For me, the story was that I was defined by childhood sexual abuse - but each one of us is susceptible to the accusations of the Ego, or the Fear Voice inside us, that finds all kinds of ways to say we’re not good enough and never will be. That voice hammers on you before your feet hit the floor in the morning and keeps hammering until you go to bed at night. A Course in Miracles tells us that the Ego will not be satisfied until we are completely isolated in our misery. When the Ego is in charge, we maintain a strong defense against others, pointing our experiences as proof people can only be trusted to hurt us, and even worse,as proof that we’re so damaged, or so ugly or so poor or so dumb that we can never, ever be really happy. We may be alone, but we are RIGHT. Here comes Dr. Phil again asking, “How’s that working for ya?”
Looking at ourselves objectively, with the same compassion we may show others but rarely show ourselves, allows our consciousness begin to shift. Through assessment and evaluation, we determine what to keep and what to let go. As we let release the stories and beliefs of the past, we begin to see evidence that we are, in fact, absolutely loveable. We may even forgive ourselves for being vulnerable and making mistakes – or more specifically, for being Human.
I wasn’t able to even entertain the idea of self-love or self-acceptance until I finally understood about forgiving myself for being vulnerable in the past so that I could allow myself to be vulnerable in the present. Sometimes you have to take a giant leap of faith to reach your happiness. When the fear voice insists you need to play it safe, you feel pretty shaky and vulnerable leaping into unknown territory. Once you quit paying much attention to the Fear Voice, or the Ego, and center yourself in Love, you’ll be flowing along in the creative energy of the Universe. It sounds corny, but honestly, once your perspective has shifted, it’s like The Force is with you shining a light on the path to your goal. The trick is being willing to see the possibilities instead of focusing the obstacles or dangers.
A Course in Miracles says that the willingness to see things differently is the only miracle. It’s a miracle you can create for yourself in an instant, and from then on, even if you get lost, you’ll always be able to find your way.