In my meeting with Polly we talked about careers. During our talk she all of a sudden said “Personal Training” and something clicked. I got excited, I felt energized and I started telling her stories about my past. It brought back an old feeling that I have not felt in a long time and I was excited to look into possibly being a Personal Trainer one day! So we agreed that today, Monday 6/12/17, would be my Day One and I would be taking the journey to fall back in love with my Passion…the Gym. At first I was excited, but then I started having an internal conversation with myself. It was like having a Devil on my shoulder whispering, “You are really going to do this? Why? What is the point? You can’t do it. People will probably Judge you anyways.”
 
This little Devil must not remember that 3 years ago I was in the best shape of my life! Not only physically (although losing 40 pounds felt great) but mentally I was so strong. I was so focused and motivated that I felt unstoppable. I would prep my meals, pack my gym bag and happily go to the gym for a workout. I attended weekend fitness seminars with other Trainers and I loved how I felt on the inside! I did not do any of this because I felt like I HAD to, I did it because I LOVED myself enough to do these things. I always lived by the motto, “You only get one body in this life, Take care of it!” So to me, being healthy was a blessing and a privilege that not many have.
 
Then I entered into a relationship and somewhere along the way I lost myself. I turned my focus to taking care of someone else, when I should have been taking care of ME. I stopped going to the gym, I stopped prepping my meals. I stopped doing the things that made me happy. One excuse turned into 1,000, One Donut turned into 100. I started saying, “One day I will get back into it.” But did I?........................No. I could sit here and blame my previous relationship, but in the end I allowed myself to be taken over. So there is no one else to blame but me and that is a hard truth.
 
            But now it is time for me to start training and I am feeling all of the feels. I have a lot of doubt, fear, excitement and happiness all wrapped into one big emotion. Will it be easy? No. Will it be worth it? Absolutely.

Has anyone ever really sat down and put a name to their fear? I mean a specific, to the point name…….Anyone? Because I can tell you that before meeting with Polly on Monday night I never gave my fear a name. What I mean by that is anyone can go around saying that they fear something but few can really put a name to the fear or give a specific example in their life of what they fear. And to most people, saying what they fear makes them feel vulnerable and let’s be honest….who really likes to feel vulnerable? This is something I am working on within myself.
 
Monday night after our meeting, I went home and finally put a name to the Fear. It’s not as easy as it sounds….But after some thought I picked “Unqualified,” because if you remember on the last episode I said that my biggest Fear was to not live up to my full potential. I also talked a lot about the “What if this?” “What if that?” The Self-Doubt. But WHY did I feel like this? What was my Fear Factor? Then I discovered that my fear of being Unqualified in life stops me from reaching my full potential and most likely helps create the Self-Doubt that I have. It was really an eye opening moment for me that I was not expecting to have. I was also not expecting to feel as much comfort as I currently do. I know things do not change overnight, it is going to take time to sort through all of the boxes of files I have in my head. But I am very pleased that I have at least identified one of the Fear Factors in my life. I am so ready to break free from these Worries and start living life to the fullest.
 
P.S. I have some exciting challenges that Polly has given me and I am REALLY excited to blog about them! So stay tuned J