|The Positive Principle Show|
While, looking back at where I was in the middle of March, now it might seem like common sense, but I see and, to an extent, feel the emotion of being 'stuck' mentally, emotionally and physically.
To an extent I still feel this way, but Polly and Max have helped to a very large degree to re-awaken within the feeling of Freedom, at very least emotionally. To an extent I am still stuck, but to a much lesser degree as a very real feeling of accomplish driven by hope, is now identified.
The guidance to leave the past – as the past - has worked, up to a point. Years ago, I pushed really hard to suppress, what to my naïve attitude then, after two decades of living in the NorthEast, was the horror, the madness, the chaos, the deceit, backstabbing, greed, lies and malicious hurt inflicted by something as worthless as the pursuit of a piece of paper.
All the emotions mentioned here came flooding back, like a tsunami crashing onto shore of my psyche, bringing a flood of memories, and causing an erosion in the beach, amongst the memory grains, as eventually, the water subsided, rushing out, taking some of the said emotion, but leaving negative emotions stranded high up on the shore, with stuff. Just stuff. It has been a battle to control my emotions. With my ink and sketch-book, I try hard to turn to The Other Side, to the Love, the Peace, the Quiet, suppressing that bloody tsunamiand how it was created.
Suppression, however, is not good. Sooner or later – tsunamitime. Well, not right now, OK? Yet again, a lesson.
So... having regained control of emotions, what are my primary goals? Not that much has changed. Here they are:
i.)Increase cash flow by $250 - $350 per month (work / sale of art)
ii.)Launch JCS and build on it to reach a successful outcome. (Here define 'success')
iii.)Complete Memories of Eternity ms. by July 15, 2015.
iv.)Get to IANDS (Sept. 3-6th.$1,000)
v.)Travel, in Fall 2015 or 2016, to visit daughter in Embassy (Berlin) Needs cash + passport).
vi.)Using income from i.) above, replenish art supplies, access emotions, create 'art' (?).
ii.)Other than IANDS, currently, if it involves cash, it invokes the rejoinder, “I can't” so, I do not think about many things that involve cash/money, until i.), above is resolved.
This all leads to changing an inner dialogue about the future. What is slowly emerging as a more important goal than at first envisaged, is the Jack Chat Show, and what could spring from it. At the very least, when in reply to:
“What have you done with the Life just passed?”
Ooh, I'm supposed to focus on a quantifiable, earth-plane goals? Aah, yes, that. Sigh...
Travel, of course. How else does one learn? Ladakh, St. Petersburg, Outer Mongolia, alleyways of China, Nepal [or what's left of it].
The crux, the be-all and end-all of the matter, is that I probably would not be sitting here now, had it not been for the timely and effective intervention of Max and Polly.