Tricia's First Blog: Searching Outside

Listening to Mary Beth talk about her first experience with online dating reminded me of one of the first things I learned about the Law of Attraction from Max.  You get that on which you focus your energy and attention.  After my divorce, when I entered the dating world of New York City with a vengeance and a determination to find Mr. Right as opposed to spending another 20 years with Mr. Wrong, all I could think about were the many, many wrong characteristics of my former Mr. Wrong and the thousands of potential Mr. Wrongs there on Match, Plenty of Fish, eHarmony, Chemistry and any other site where I could get a free weekend.

I’m not so sure I attracted so many Mr. Wrongs because I was sending out an all points bulletin to the universe for philandering narcissists, but I wound up dating several in a row.  For the record, my ex-husband was not a philandering narcissist.  He was passive-aggressive, secretive about money and many would call him a Mama’s Boy.  I just thought of him as a whiny bitch, back then, and was looking for the complete opposite and wound up with philandering narcissists, who can be, in their own way, whiny bitches.

But I digress.

After Max and I started working on shifting my perspective and listening to my intuition, first through reading Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now, and A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson – and then most importantly through A Course in Miracles – I could see how fears dominated my thoughts and feelings.  The men I dated were the kind of people who looked for fearful individuals like me who didn’t believe we deserve respect and consideration, much less happiness.  Before I could attract a person I really admired and respected, I had to see myself as someone I could admire and respect.   Be the change you want to see, right?

When you go looking for another person to fill the whole in your soul so you can be happy, you’re stuck in a cycle of Special Relationships – the kind defined by B-Movies and advertisements for diamond engagement rings.   ACIM spends a lot of time on Special Relationships because our whole society seems to revolve around the idea that we need something external to prove we have value, and while the external validation can come through a job, almost every single magazine in America makes sure women are pounded with images and essays listing all the ways we’re not good enough until we lose the weight, get the shoes, get the husband, kids, career, car, vacation, etc.   Now an industry is springing up around Self Love as if it’s some kind of goal that can be achieved through by a juice fast.  If we could just love ourselves enough – we can be enough.

The thing is that we’re already enough.  We’re great like we are, as a matter of fact, but that reality is exactly the opposite of what we absorb from birth from all the well-intentioned people telling us about the ways of the world.

A person can get pretty good results from Law of Attraction stuff even when s/he is still living a life based in the ways of the world, but to really live our dreams, we need to live a life based on Spirit.  It takes lots of practice to remember that we are Spirit, fundamentally, and even more practice to connect with that spirit and allow spirit to show us the path.  The good news is that we don’t have to be connected all the time.  That’s a tall order when every single one of us is bombarded by the voices of fear from almost every single angle because fear of lack and attack drives our whole economy, when you think about it – but that’s another discussion.

My point today is that to get 100% great results by using the Laws of Attraction, you really do need to remember that you’re 100% great already.  We are as God created us, right now, in this minute, exactly the way we are.   And guess what: Even if you don’t believe that God created anything, that there was just a big bang and the evolution that resulted from the big bang – still, we are star dust; we are golden.  When you’re in the process of becoming the kind of person you’re proud to be, then you’ll meet people who you’re proud to be with.

It’s that simple because your internal radar will steer you away from Mr. Wrong, but more importantly, all those Mr. Wrongs won’t see a needy, sad person who wants someone else to fix everything.

Blessed Be.

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